Jesus said, “The first [commandment] in importance is, ‘Listen, Israel: The Lord your God is one; so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.’ And here is the second [commandment]: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ There is no other commandment that ranks with these.” -- Mark 12:29-31, The Message
I've been wrestling lately with this passage in a very personal way. Because I've been worshipping the idol of responsibility (see my earlier post), I have spent the last 30 years increasingly defining my life by what I do for others. As a result, I have neglected the care of myself. I have not paid enough attention to my own physical, relational, emotional, and even spiritual needs.
In a very real sense, then, I have not been “loving” myself. Nor have I been properly loving God. Therefore, if I take the words of Jesus seriously, I have not been able to effectively love other people. The ministry, work, service, pastoral care (whatever we call it) I have engaged in has not truly flowed out of my love for self and my love for Christ. I’ve been doing it out of a sense of duty and also out of ideology (it’s the “right” thing to do).
There is nothing wrong with obedience; there is nothing wrong about being motivated by truth. But Jesus tells me that these things are not enough. If I serve Him solely out of “duty”, then He only gets second-best from me. So Jesus asks for more of me. Why? Because He loves me. He proved His love by dying for me. And because He loves me…He wants me to love me. So I find myself asking an interesting question: “Do I love me…do I value me…as much as Jesus does?” Based on the evidence of the past 30 years, the painful answer is “no”.
A big part of my journey this fall, then, has been learning to make time for Bruce. To provide better care for my body and my soul. To allow the Lord to rekindle my interests and passions. And to spend time with Jesus for the purpose of relationship…not just to discover rules, principles, and marching orders.
Like everything else in life, this requires balance. After all, I don’t want to become a self-indulgent, navel-gazing narcissist. But at the moment, I’m in no danger of that because I have been living at the opposite end of the spectrum. Sadly, I have been so selfless that I lost much of myself along the way.
By the grace of God, this is now changing. And it is a great joy...accompanied by tremendous peace in my soul...to start loving myself again by rediscovering who God has made me to be.
- Bruce
About Me
- Bruce and Julie
- After seasons of working in both the for-profit and non-profit worlds, God called both of us into ministry. We have two over-riding passions: (1) to communicate - via speaking, teaching, and writing - God's truth as found in the Bible, and (2) to help men and women experience a faith in Jesus Christ that meets the deepest needs within their souls. + + + + Both of us are ordained ministers in the independent Christian Churches. Bruce is the Preaching Minister at Garden Way Church in Eugene, Oregon. Julie has earned a certificate in Spiritual Direction, has been a Women's Pastor and an adjunct college professor, and oversees a non-profit women's ministry called "the unfolding soul". Together we are developing a prayer garden at our home in Springfield called The Lavender Pavilion. + + + + We have been married for more than 30 years and have three adult children.
