That sounds like a funny statement to make on the last day of August, but that is how I am trying to look at my circumstances.
When I was little, I loved the excitement of looking forward to Christmas Day. I was entranced with the sights and sounds of the season – lights, glitter, ornaments. What a beautiful way to celebrate Jesus’ birthday. After opening stockings and enjoying breakfast together, we all would troop to the living room. First my father would read the Christmas story, and then we would pray. After that, we would take turns opening brightly colored presents. And what is a present, after all, but a surprise wrapped up as a gift?
Which brings me back to my feelings about celebrating Christmas tomorrow.
For just over a year, Bruce and I have been waiting for God’s instructions as to the next step in our lives. We have prayed. Others – family, friends, many of you who read this blog – have prayed. We have tried to be patient, waiting to see how God would unfold our future. Mostly, we’ve been content and have grown through this season of waiting. But at times, I just have wanted to say, “I’m done, Lord.” In those moments, I’ve been impatient, wanting God to give us His answer now. And yet, I’ve also been fearful. Fearful of when He would answer and how He would answer, and (at times) even wondering if He would answer.
And now we come to the past few weeks. A church in another state is seriously considering Bruce for the position of preaching minister. The search committee has met with their final candidates (including us) and tonight the committee meets to discuss their conclusions. Their goal is to prayerfully decide which candidate is best suited to fill this vital role in their church.
Needless to say, we have been a bit anxious, wondering how this will turn out. But we recognize that God is in control; that He is unfolding His plan for us in His timing. (A year ago, we would have made a statement like this sincerely, but without truly understanding its implications. Now, because we are utterly dependent on Him, these words take on an entirely new meaning for us.)
As I sat down at my computer today, a feeling of dread began to shadow my heart. But then I thought of Christmas – of the joy and the expectancy and the sheer surprise of that special day – and I wondered if looking at our current situation through the lens of Christmas would help me understand God’s heart.
I know, with certainty, that our God gives good gifts. So I want to have that same feeling of “Christmas excitement” tomorrow, or later this week, when the search committee contacts Bruce. Whether the answer is “Yes, we are interested” or “No, we are choosing someone else”, I want to receive that answer as a good gift…as the best possible gift…from my loving Father.
Whether we move forward in the candidate process with this church, or whether we look for some type of work right here, my desire is to receive this surprise present as God’s gift, wrapped in His love, for us.
As I was writing this post, the words from “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear” popped into my head. This wonderful Christmas hymn…particularly the third verse…seems appropriate to our situation.
It came upon the midnight clear,
That glorious song of old,
From angels bending near the earth,
To touch their harps of gold;
“Peace on the earth, good will to men,
From Heaven’s all gracious King.”
The world in solemn stillness lay,
To hear the angels sing.
Still through the cloven skies they come
With peaceful wings unfurled,
And still their heavenly music floats
O’er all the weary world;
Above its sad and lowly plains,
They bend on hovering wing,
And ever over its Babel sounds
The blessèd angels sing.
And ye, beneath life’s crushing load,
Whose forms are bending low,
Who toil along the climbing way
With painful steps and slow,
Look now! for glad and golden hours
Come swiftly on the wing.
O rest beside the weary road,
And hear the angels sing!
- Julie
