Over the past thirty years of my working life, I took on work that continually was increasing in scope. I was proud of this – and justifiably so – because it meant that I had earned the right to be trusted with ever greater responsibility by my employer. (After all, Jesus said that “if you are faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things” – Matthew 25:21).
Needless to say, there were many positive results of taking on additional duties, such as a greater sense of contribution to the mission of the organization, developing new skills, and even (at times) an increase in salary.
One result, however, was not so positive: I found myself increasingly working under the pressure of deadlines.
Deadlines, of course, are important and can be a valuable tool for the organization…except in those cases where they are arbitrarily imposed – but that’s another subject. Deadlines hold us accountable for accomplishing our tasks and fulfilling our responsibilities in a timely fashion. Because I wanted to be a responsible worker (see 11-03-2009 post on “The Idol of Responsibility”), I learned to excel at “working to deadline” so that tasks were finished on time. This, of course, earned the respect of my employers (which usually meant that even more work was offered to me, since people knew I would get it done.)
But now that I have stepped back from work for a season, I find that there has been a huge, unintended consequence of living as a deadline-driven person for nearly three decades: the deadline itself became the motivator. The deadline was the driving force behind finishing a task. Meeting the deadline sometimes was more important than the work itself. I had allowed myself to become so overburdened by the demands of work, that very little of my work was driven by what I wanted to do, what I felt called to do, or what I decided to do in a given day. Instead, the daily agenda was driven by my various deadlines.
How painful to realize that I have spent these years training myself to react, rather than act. To respond to external demands, rather than internal desires & motivations. To let my agenda be almost completely controlled by others, rather than by the promptings of the Spirit and my own decision-making abilities.
So I am re-learning how to manage my daily agenda. I am re-learning how to set priorities for myself. I am re-learning how to act, and react, with a primary focus on using my God-given talents, abilities, and passions.
As I do these things, it feels like I am welcoming back a long-lost friend. And it is a joyful…joyful… reunion.
- Bruce
Showing posts with label Boundaries. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Boundaries. Show all posts
The Idol of Responsibility
I have been guilty of worshipping an idol - the "god of responsibility."
Obviously, being responsible is a good thing. It’s important to meet deadlines, to follow through on commitments, to take care of business. But over the course of my adult working life I have – far too often – turned this strength into a weakness. I have allowed myself to become driven by the “musts” to such an extent that my life has been driven by behavior that is almost obsessive-compulsive. Sadly, much of this has been entirely self-inflicted.
When essential work needed to be done, I often would volunteer...even if the task logically belonged to someone else. When other people would drop the ball, I would pick it up. Over time, colleagues observed this pattern and began to give me responsibilities that should have been assigned to others. Why? Because they knew I would "get it done."
This approach to life – bowing before the god of responsibility – became such a habit that I carried it over to activities outside of work. Even vacations were overly planned…and woe to the family member who caused us to run behind schedule! (And let’s be honest…is it really that important if you show up at a campground 30 or 60 minutes “behind schedule?")
The result of my behavior? Major overload. Non-stop working. Emotional depletion. And even spiritual dryness, because all of this was terribly bad for my soul. I was so busy serving God (I thought) that my relationship with Him was adversely impacted. The harder I worked to fulfill my “godly responsibilities”, the more distant God seemed to me.
So a key goal during this season of sabbatical is to connect more deeply…more intimately…with God. To listen more closely to His voice so that I will draw better boundaries when I return to pastoral ministry. To only take on responsibilities that truly are part of His plan for me. Because I want to stop worshipping the idol of responsibility…and worship only the Savior of my soul.
- Bruce
Obviously, being responsible is a good thing. It’s important to meet deadlines, to follow through on commitments, to take care of business. But over the course of my adult working life I have – far too often – turned this strength into a weakness. I have allowed myself to become driven by the “musts” to such an extent that my life has been driven by behavior that is almost obsessive-compulsive. Sadly, much of this has been entirely self-inflicted.
When essential work needed to be done, I often would volunteer...even if the task logically belonged to someone else. When other people would drop the ball, I would pick it up. Over time, colleagues observed this pattern and began to give me responsibilities that should have been assigned to others. Why? Because they knew I would "get it done."
This approach to life – bowing before the god of responsibility – became such a habit that I carried it over to activities outside of work. Even vacations were overly planned…and woe to the family member who caused us to run behind schedule! (And let’s be honest…is it really that important if you show up at a campground 30 or 60 minutes “behind schedule?")
The result of my behavior? Major overload. Non-stop working. Emotional depletion. And even spiritual dryness, because all of this was terribly bad for my soul. I was so busy serving God (I thought) that my relationship with Him was adversely impacted. The harder I worked to fulfill my “godly responsibilities”, the more distant God seemed to me.
So a key goal during this season of sabbatical is to connect more deeply…more intimately…with God. To listen more closely to His voice so that I will draw better boundaries when I return to pastoral ministry. To only take on responsibilities that truly are part of His plan for me. Because I want to stop worshipping the idol of responsibility…and worship only the Savior of my soul.
- Bruce
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