During our time at the Mountain Learning Center, Dr. Russ Veenker poured lots of truth and wisdom into our lives. Three statements in particular have stuck with me, and they have become “proverbs” (wise sayings) to help me bring about important changes in my behavior.
Proverb 1: “Control is an illusion” -- One of my strengths is to bring order out of chaos. Among other things, this God-given ability enables me to help organizations function more efficiently. This same quality makes me good at analyzing…and teaching on…difficult Bible texts. However, there is a downside: this characteristic can create the illusion that I am somehow in control of my circumstances; that I always can figure out the answers, and wrestle problems into submission. Yet I am increasingly aware that I actually control very little of what happens to me. What I can control is how I respond to what happens. This is a radically new perspective for me, and it leads me to an inescapable conclusion: I must choose to live each day as an act of faith.
To drive home this lesson, God has led me into a situation where living by faith is my only option. As I contemplate the next season of life, I cannot even begin to figure out how all the pieces of the puzzle should fit together. Therefore, I find myself turning to the Lord, acknowledging my lack of control, and striving to trust Him to bring me to the right place at the right time. Because He is in control…and I am not.
Proverb 2: “All relationships are driven by anxiety” -- I had to think about this one for awhile before it fully made sense to me. Why? Because I was unaware of how much anxiety lurks beneath the surface of my life. The desire to impress, the longing to be liked, the need to perform well, the fear of letting someone down…these are just a few of the ever-present realities that underlie all of my interactions with others. And all of these things produce anxiety: sometimes a little, sometimes a lot...but always present. Far too often I have let the anxiety determine my response to others, rather than simply doing what is best for the relationship.
As I live each day with this new level of awareness, I find myself making better choices. As a result, I’m better able to focus on the people I interact with…rather than focus on the underlying anxiety.
Proverb 3: “When we’re under stress, we regress” -- This principle makes complete sense to me; I clearly see how I can revert to less mature and less appropriate behaviors when I’m stressed out. But more importantly, I’ve learned that stress drives me to forget about Proverbs 1 and 2 above. In other words, when I’m stressed…I regress to anxiety and control. I try harder to control my circumstances, in an attempt to reduce my anxiety, and therefore eliminate the stress.
This default response is, of course, counter-productive. The solution is not to just reduce the stress in my life, though that is a good thing to do. Since I always will face stress in various ways, the real solution is to learn how to change my default behavior. In other words, by learning ways to respond better to Proverbs 1 and 2, then I will respond better when I face the circumstances of Proverb 3.
The interconnected nature of these proverbs…and the way I see them play out in my life…is one of the most important and powerful lessons I am learning this fall.
- Bruce
Showing posts with label Mountain Learning Center. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mountain Learning Center. Show all posts
Waiting
This fall I’ve been learning a great deal about waiting. In the past I often have considered “waiting” to be a waste of time. After all, if I can be more efficient or find a short-cut…then why wait? But God has used this season to remind me that waiting brings its own rewards and blessings.
Waiting allows me to work through the issues and behaviors that – at times – plague my thoughts; the self-talk that derails my best intentions; the frenzy that causes my emotions to get out of balance.
Waiting reminds me to be a more patient person – not expecting others to jump when I determine that something “must” be done right now. Waiting helps me consider if these self-imposed deadlines are valid or arbitrary.
Waiting helps me to extend grace to myself and others, allowing time for growth and development.
Waiting demands my release of control; my desire to orchestrate all that happens to myself and those whom I love. Instead, I must rest in God’s unfolding plan, rather than insist on my plan.
At the Mountain Learning Center, we enjoyed 19 meals with Russ and Kandy. We always stayed at the table at least an hour. At first, I felt my anxiousness rising…we had stuff to do! But after several meals, I started to relax. To take my time. To enjoy the act of intentionally waiting: waiting for everyone to finish; waiting for the food to settle; waiting for the next enjoyable moment in the conversation.
I am starting to talk myself out of some impatience and I am letting go of my demands for speed. Instead, I am waiting. Waiting for others to finish, waiting for others to answer, waiting until someone has completed their task...waiting while I take the time to think through my own tasks.
Even as I’m waiting, I can watch, take notice, and rest in expectation, believing that God is at work in the moment. In each and every moment. I’m discovering that the more I slow down, the richer and more full my life becomes. That the reward and the blessing of learning to wait.
- Julie
Waiting allows me to work through the issues and behaviors that – at times – plague my thoughts; the self-talk that derails my best intentions; the frenzy that causes my emotions to get out of balance.
Waiting reminds me to be a more patient person – not expecting others to jump when I determine that something “must” be done right now. Waiting helps me consider if these self-imposed deadlines are valid or arbitrary.
Waiting helps me to extend grace to myself and others, allowing time for growth and development.
Waiting demands my release of control; my desire to orchestrate all that happens to myself and those whom I love. Instead, I must rest in God’s unfolding plan, rather than insist on my plan.
At the Mountain Learning Center, we enjoyed 19 meals with Russ and Kandy. We always stayed at the table at least an hour. At first, I felt my anxiousness rising…we had stuff to do! But after several meals, I started to relax. To take my time. To enjoy the act of intentionally waiting: waiting for everyone to finish; waiting for the food to settle; waiting for the next enjoyable moment in the conversation.
I am starting to talk myself out of some impatience and I am letting go of my demands for speed. Instead, I am waiting. Waiting for others to finish, waiting for others to answer, waiting until someone has completed their task...waiting while I take the time to think through my own tasks.
Even as I’m waiting, I can watch, take notice, and rest in expectation, believing that God is at work in the moment. In each and every moment. I’m discovering that the more I slow down, the richer and more full my life becomes. That the reward and the blessing of learning to wait.
- Julie
Deadman's Creek
So we absorbed the sounds of the forest while we sat quietly for nearly an hour. Julie did some sketching (which she's done only intermittently over the years), while I wrote some prose-poems, like this one:
Early Autumn on the Eastern Slope
The lingering smell of dust from the fire road fills my nostrils; soft crackling
comes from under the hood as the Jeep’s 6-cylinder engine begins to cool.
Dry mountain air…with just a hint of crispness…tugs at Julie’s hair.
I watch her sketch as we sit on the fallen log. Our seat is hard but suitable.
Scattered pine trees surround the creek-side; their needles fading
to a dull green.
Nearby foliage offers mere hints
of the brilliant gold and orange and yellow yet to come.
Deadman’s Creek bubbles its way downhill, caressing the boulders
it has been stroking for eons.
I close my eyes as the jays squawk in the trees, and I let the music
of Deadman’s Creek sing it’s ancient benediction to my aching soul.
On our last day on the mountain, we had a picnic lunch by Deadman's Creek. This peaceful spot served as a great "bookend" to our time on the mountain. We discussed the high points of our retreat and prayed together...then headed back to SoCal to begin implementing all that we had learned. (We'll be sharing more about this in future posts).
- Bruce
Meeting God on the Mountain
Our sabbatical really began last month with a 12-day retreat at The Mountain Learning Center [http://www.pastor-care.com/] in June Lake, CA. The MLC is a program run by Dr. Russ and Kandy Veenker: "a mountain retreat for pastors and their spouses where a physically enjoyable, emotionally gratifying & spiritually invigorating experience revitalizes their relationship with God, self and others."
Their insight and encouragement helped us grow as individuals, as a couple, and as pastors committed to ministry in the local chuch. It was a rich time of renewal, and began the process of healing from many of the hurts and crises we've experienced in the past 10 years. One of the goals of the MLC program is to help pastors slow down, since so many of us are chronic over-workers. June Lake is just a few miles north of The Mammoth Lakes on Highway 395, and this entire area truly is "God's playground". When we were not meeting with Russ and Kandy, we were out enjoying the area. The eastern Sierra is a place of incredible beauty...a place where we could hike and bike deep into the woods and "hear" the silence...a place where we could kayak on a mostly deserted lake and listen to the wind in the aspens on shore...a place where we began to find some rest for our souls.
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